The Turmoil of being a Teenager

There are two main forces of adolescence the onset of sexuality and the mandate that teenagers will move away from their parents gradually and from being an infant to childhood and on to adolescence and move further away from their parents. They become virtually allergic to the parents almost reducing parents to tears. Teenage boys will become covert and hide away from parents whilst girls will become and challenge motivated by pushing the parent’s buttons to test the stress threshold.

The laws and rules of human sexuality prescribe the male teenagers attraction to the mother as his parent and also his mentor but herein lies the conflict. He will struggle with his father-son relationship as he becomes fully aware of same-sex feelings and tries to negotiate this developmental pathway he has to work hard to refine the emotional closeness and affection showed by his father, or in many cases nowadays none at all. As the stress levels rise in the male and female teenagers, the males who have much less verbal reasoning skills will avoid any attempt to negotiate with parents preferring to demonstrate their Fight-Or-Flight competences.

The testosterone levels predominate over verbal skills and so he gets ready for acts of aggression. They will smash a few glasses, saucers or cups to demonstrate their anger and frustration. They really can’t handle confrontation and this is the release valve blowing off emotional steam. There is also at this stage a moving away from the previous state of selves and emotional attachment towards an adolescent battlefield where daily battles are fought with both parents. Neither side has the psychological skills mandatory to make and resolve sense out of the situation. Boys will always prefer to go into “Flight mode” as a coping mechanism moving out of the home for a few days with his mates “somewhere”. The retaliatory spirit motivates him to leave no trace as to where he is, no texts or phone calls to parents but his inner-self will motivate him to return like the prodigal son without judgment. Girls will do the opposite by engaging in mini-battles with both parents going into playing mind games and stretching their parents psychologically with no outward displays of respect or affection.

They feel it’s unacceptable to be now attached to parents as that’s for children, nor do they wish to be dependent on them. They know the strategy to break the parent’s emotional resilience and win the day. The motivational states of teenage daughters are to get the message across to parent’s that “I am not dependent on you and don’t try to love me, it doesn’t work”.

Inwardly they do in fact feel a sense of confusion between attachment and dis-attachment a genuine dilemma. Because their sexuality is not such a big issue in their relationship with their parents some teenage girls can build up a strong relationship with the dad, only if the father can grapple with his daughter’s tantrums and displays of anger, frustration, confusion, and resentment. The mother-daughter attachment will always be stronger than that to the father. Research shows that the challenging difficult teenage girl can be certainly more psychologically destructive to parents that their son who simply vanishes off the scene for two or three days at a time. Interestingly even though the son goes off the court, the teenage girl will wish to stay on center court preserving the attachment to both parents.

There are two main forces of adolescence the onset of sexuality and the mandate that teenagers will move away from their parents gradually and from being an infant to childhood and on to adolescence and move further away from their parents. They become virtually allergic to the parents almost reducing parents to tears. There is a full-scale enigma here as the feelings which pull kids towards parents during teenage years also becomes repulsive to the teenagers. Teenage boys will become covert and hide away from parents whilst girls will challenge and become motivated by pushing the parent’s buttons to test the stress threshold. Girls will do the opposite by engaging in mini-battles with both parents going into playing mind games and stretching their parents psychologically with no outward displays of respect or affection.

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